Boobs are for breastfeeding too

by Natalie Dee

I have a five-week-old baby. I choose to breastfeed exclusively, and I�m typically not shy about nursing her in front of other people.

Recently my husband and I hung out with two other couples and their babies (a three-month-old and a six-month-old). These babies are formula-fed, and I was told by one of the women that I needed to leave the room to feed my baby because it made the men uncomfortable.

This irked me pretty bad. I have also encountered a woman who thought it was gross to breastfeed. I think it�s ridiculous for anyone to feel this way, but I understand that some people may be bothered more by the sight of flesh than by the actual feeding process.

So the question is this: Should I be discreet for the sake of others, or should I just keep feeding my baby like I always do, since it is natural? �Millie

We live in a society that�s terrified of boobs/starving for boobs. It�s unfortunate, because it�s your right to be able to feed your baby wherever you want without getting hassled. All the dudes who were made uncomfortable by it, or the dudes that are all �Naked boobs are immodest� or �That baby is interfering with my ability to think about touching your titties� can totally get bent, because the number-one reason for even having boobs is to feed kids.

Of course you�re going to keep breastfeeding your kid, �cause that�s what�s right. You just need to decide if you want to mess with people or not. If not, throw a blankie over the kid�s head (and also your boob), and if anyone says anything, politely point out what a complete ass they are.

Say there was a horribleness scale. Say it went from 1 (least horrible) to 100 (most badly horribly bad). What would you rate someone keeping their boyfriend around while they�re trying to lose weight or improve themselves in some way? As in, you�re with someone until you can find something better. How horrible would you say that is?

�Katie

I would say it is completely terrible. I don�t know about your little scale, but keeping someone on deck just long enough to upgrade is pretty nasty. It is extremely selfish, and an asshole move to pull on someone.

How about you turn the tables a bit: Imagine you�re dating some guy, and you like him a lot, and out of nowhere he leaves you and then takes up with a girl who is cuter than you, skinnier than you, etc. That would suck pretty hard, huh?

Now imagine if that happened and then you found out that he was only dating you until he could find someone better than you. Not only would that make you feel so sad and terrible, you would have wasted a lot of time that you could have spent with someone who actually cared about you.

It�s not hard to imagine how your actions would affect someone else, and it�s not hard to treat people with respect and care. It makes me feel bad to think that there are people who still just don�t get it.

Remember the Golden Rule? You might want to brush up on that if you�re really interested in self-improvement. The reason they teach it in kindergarten is because it�s the most important thing to abide by if you�re going to be a successful human being instead of a self-centered dick. It would probably serve your life better than just losing some weight.

What do you say when you do something creative and somebody says, �You have too much free time�? �Zach

It�s funny how people think that just because you would rather create than consume, you must be bored. What people don�t understand is that when you were off making music or writing or painting a picture or whatever, they were probably just sitting in front of the TV and eating. It�s never about having all kinds of time that you just gotta waste doing something/anything, it�s about having a little bit of time and wanting to spend it creating something.

People will never stop telling you that (I still get it all the time, and making stuff is how I make my living), because some people just don�t have a creative drive and don�t know what it�s like. Just suck it up when people give you a hard time. You will always have memories of expressing yourself and creating things that other people enjoy, and they will have memories of the last season of Friends.

I was wondering about the Mile High Club. In order to obtain membership, do you actually have to go all the way, or maybe just everything before that (except kissing)? �Maria

You have to go all the way, otherwise more people would be members. Just rubbing outside of clothes wouldn�t count. However, I think it would count if you just did it for a sec. Like, let your dude dock just long enough to dock, if you know what I�m saying.

Also, you have to make sure the aircraft is actually a mile above the earth, but that should not be a problem since typical cruising altitude is more than 30,000 feet (at least for big planes). It does not count if you do it on the runway or something.

Or you can just stop wondering about the Mile High Club, because the excitement of fucking in the air is not going to cancel out the discomfort and logistical problems associated with doing it in an airplane bathroom. I am all about doing it right if you�re going to do it.

What�s the difference between brown eggs and white eggs? �Carly

Funny you should ask, Carly, because I know all about chicken eggs. There is NO difference between brown and white eggs aside from their color. It�s just that different colors of chickens lay different colors of eggs. White hens lay white eggs, and red hens lay brown eggs.

You might be wondering how I know so much about eggs. The reason is that I looked it up on Google. Google has the answers to ALL of the simple science-based questions. You should check it out.

Natalie Dee is a Columbus-based artist and writer whose work can be seen at nataliedee.com. To Ask Natalie, e-mail [email protected]

July 27, 2005