by Natalie Dee
I am gay and my best friend has been having man problems since, well, forever. Recently, she found someone who she really likes and makes her really happy, however, he is extremely homophobic. Not like �lesbians are still cool� but as in �I hate all gays.�
This bothers me extremely and I feel like she doesn�t even care about the fact that he would have problems with me. I have talked to her a couple times about it, and she claims she can �change him,� which I doubt.
Am I a bad person for getting mad about how she doesn�t care, or is it bad on her part for liking him and not even caring that he�s homophobic? �James
I don�t think you�re wrong for being upset with your friend. I would probably feel betrayed if my best friend started dating someone who hated me for no other reason than sheer ignorance.
This guy she�s dating is not going to change. He�s an ignorant asshole. Nothing she does is going to make him stop being like that. I think the real problem here is that your friend probably has low self-esteem and just wants to stay with this guy �cause he�s not as shitty (to her) as the last couple guys.
Unfortunately, there�s nothing you can do to make her leave him, so you�ll probably have to wait until this relationship runs its course. Talk to your friend again and let her know that, while she�s still your best friend, you will not hang out with her if he is around�then stick to it. If you are hanging out with her and he shows up, leave. Don�t make a scene, just leave. If she invites you somewhere he will be, tell her you won�t be able to make it.
It will be hard, but it�s the best way for you to show that you don�t want to associate with stupid, hateful people. Just because your friend accepts his homophobia (and she does accept it if she�s dating him) doesn�t mean that you have to.
If you are in a relationship with someone, is driving by their house when you know they aren�t home creepy or normal? �Jenny
I don�t know about creepy. It is pretty obsessive. Also, it makes it seem like you�re distrustful of him, like you�re double-checking to make sure he�s really not home.
If you feel compelled to drive by some dude�s house when you know he�s not home, you might want to think about taking up some sort of hobby. It�s not cool to spend your entire life either with some dude or getting weird and obsessive about him. Calm down and read a book, yo.
I met a guy recently and we really hit it off. We have a ton in common and he�s very attractive and ambitious. However, he�s very short�about an inch shorter than me.
At the risk of sounding shallow, it kinda bothers me. I love everything else about him, but this thing is just really throwing me off. What would you do? Would you date a guy shorter than you?
�Naomi
Well, if it bothers you, it bothers you. There�s not really anything you can do about that. It is a little shallow, but I think most people are a little shallow.
I�ve dated guys shorter than me, and like you, it bugged me. Did I continue dating them anyway? No. I�m shallow. I�m also not patient enough to get into a relationship with someone and wait until something I don�t like about him doesn�t bother me anymore.
The fact of the matter is you can�t help it if it bothers you. If it�s driving you nuts, and you can�t stop thinking about it, you don�t have to date him. It�s true that he can�t help being short, but you can�t help being not turned on by short dudes. If he was THE ONE, then I bet you would not mind the slight height difference, but the fact that it bothers you enough that you question dating him leads me to believe that he is not.
I�m moving to Austin, Texas, for a new job in three weeks. I�ve never been away from my hometown for any longer than a couple of months.
Do you have any suggestions as to how to make the most out of my new home? How do I meet new people quickly in a town where I don�t know anybody? �Emil
It is really tough to find friends because most people are dicks and the ones who are not dicks are socially awkward to the point of near retardedness. That means that if you leave it up to other people to befriend you, you will be waiting around forever.
Do you know anyone at all in Austin? Maybe talk to them about what kind of stuff there is to do in town, have them show you around, etc. Even if your sole Austin contact isn�t someone you would see yourself being great friends with, you might meet other people through them that you could hit it off with.
Another option is to get involved in clubs or other group activities you might enjoy. Take an art class on the weekend or sign up for the gym. Check the Austin Craigslist before you move to get an idea of things that will be going on when you get to town. (I checked it just now and there�s an entire section of people looking for people to start sports teams and other stuff like that.)
Having to find all new friends may seem sucky, but as long as you don�t spend your time in your apartment feeling lonely, you�ll be able to meet some nice people.
Why do chicks dig me so much? Is it the fedora? �Jack
Noooooooooooooooooo.
Natalie Dee is a Columbus-based artist and writer whose work can be seen at nataliedee.com.
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