by Natalie Dee
I recently got engaged. Our parents were so thrilled that they started planning a wedding without consulting us. I am so furious I almost want to go to a courthouse and get married without them and their crazy plans. What should I do? �Andrea
I would sit down and talk to your parents. Let them know that you understand how they�re excited about your impending nuptials, but they are your nuptials. Then you can show them the plans you made for your wedding. It�s OK if they make suggestions, but it is your wedding and it should be what you want, not what they want.
If your parents are paying for the whole thing, though, you will need to let them have a say, since they�re dropping a lot of money on it. Even in that case, they should listen to your ideas and plan something with you rather that without you.
I think if you and your fianc� just sit down with your folks and try to work something out, you will be able to find a compromise. If not, and they still try to run the show, you have my blessing to run to the courthouse.
I�ve been married for a little over two years now and have noticed that sex has pretty much gone by the wayside. Neither of us makes any advances nor talks about sex at all.
For a while I would try to get some, only to find that she didn�t feel like it. Sometimes she would try, usually at the most inopportune time imaginable, and I didn�t feel like it. Now we just don�t bother at all until it�s been such a long time that we both find some time to do it. We somehow have sex about once a month, if that.
Before we got married, we dated for several years and sex was easy and we both loved it. We did it a couple times a week, if not more! Not all that much has changed otherwise in our lives�we both still work, have several pets and no kids (can�t have kids).
Do you think I need to get divorced and start dating my wife again in order to get laid more? �Nate
Do you actually want to have more sex or do you just feel bad because you think you should be having more sex? �Cause the way it sounds now, you�re just sitting around waiting for your wife to trip and fall on your dick (but only if she doesn�t trip during Law and Order.)
If you go a real long time without having sex, the sexlessness of it will just start building momentum and you will never do it again. You weren�t making your sex life a priority, so the rest of your life just took it over.
You need to talk to your wife about this if you want it to change. Find out how she feels about this, and make it a point to make sex a priority. You know, food, shelter, water, sex�those are the things that you need. Everything else is stuff that gets in the way of you fucking.
Sure, you need to go to work and take care of your pets and everything, but come on. It doesn�t take that long to have sex. If it takes an hour you�re taking longer than the rest of us.
Don�t even get me started on that �I didn�t feel like it� thing. If you�re concerned about the amount of sex you�re having, and your wife tries to have sex with you, do it. If you�re busy, make it a quickie. If you�re at work, have phone sex with her. Anything. If you want to start getting laid more, you have to actively try to get laid.
I recently left a long and serious relationship. Shortly after the breakup, a guy I�ve been best friends with all of my life asked me to marry him.
I have no physical attraction to him, and think of him like a brother. We�ve never dated, and he�s never even hinted that he has feelings for me.
What the hell should I do? His friendship means the world to me, but I don�t want to be his wife! Is there a pleasant way to say no? �Sara
Awww, poor guy. The most pleasant way to break it to him would be to tell him just what you told me�his friendship is really important to you, but you don�t want to marry him. It might be a little awkward after you turn him down�his ego will be bruised and whatnot. But if you�ve been friends for this long, you�ll be able to work through the awkwardness eventually.
I�ve been dating this guy for a long time (seven years). We have not progressed as far as marriage because we were attending grad school in different places.
Things are calming down, we are in the same location and I�m ready to get engaged, only he�s still not graduating. I don�t want to marry someone who can�t graduate, but I don�t want to not marry him either, and I�m not getting any younger (I�m in my late twenties). What do you think? �Sallie
Why is he not graduating? Is he just messing around and not trying to finish, or is he in a field that requires more schooling than yours?
Talk to your boyfriend and let him know about your concerns. Tell him you want to get married, and that you want to marry him, but not before he graduates. Then try to lay out a timeline that works for both of you.
If he isn�t willing to make concrete plans with you, and he isn�t ready to settle down, then start worrying about it. You can�t put your life on hold for someone else, but it�s not fair to him to make a decision to move on without trying to work through it with him first.
Natalie Dee is a Columbus-based artist and writer whose work can be seen at nataliedee.com.
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