2003-09-11 - 11:19 p.m.
you all may remember a couple months ago. maybe.
a couple months ago i announced a contest on this very site. the contest was that anyone who either A) spraypainted I LOVE NATALIE DEE on a highway overpass B) got a natalie dee tattoo or C) sent me a particular dinosaur jr. shirt would get a painting. for free.
a the beginning of the contest, i got a lot of ass-poor photoshop jobs done on some stock photos of goddamn covered bridges and shit. all mixed case. all looking like it was not even near the bridge, let alone actually painted on. people thinking i believed that they would go to freaking madison county and spray all over some postcard-looking bullshit. honestly. then the photoshop jobs started getting a little better, and i actually had to really check them out. a couple i thought might have been real, until i magnified the pictures and it was just a bunch of artifacts all over the place.
nobody even pretended to get a tattoo. i was really hoping someone would.
but then, THEN, it got good....
yes, i got TWO dinosaur jr shirts.
the first came from a gentleman named matt from the east coast. he does art stuff on macs, and he was a big dinosaur jr fan back in the day. he sent me his shirt that he got from lollapalooza in like 1992 or 1993 or something. ah, yes. lollapalooza in the early 90s, when it was dinosaur jr and babes in toyland, instead of KORN and your mom sticking a beer bottle in her anus. in exchange, mr. matt received SURFER ROSA. yay, matt, you are the best.
the second shirt came from a lovely young lady named kendall from texas. this girl really renewed my faith in the human race. you see, she and my brother were in a bidding war for the shirt, and she won. then she put two and two together, and realized that they were both bidding on the shirt for me. then, SHE GAVE THE SHIRT TO DREW RATHER THAN SENDING IT TO ME HERSELF AND WINNING A PAINTING. (did you think i did not know, dear? i found out, oh yes i did.) she figured it would be nicer for me to get it from my brother than someone i did not know. drew gave her a bunch of drew stuff. and (drumroll) there will be a top secret prize for kendall from me, assuming she reads this at some point and e-mails me her mailing info and favorite color. SUPER HIGH FIVE FOR KENDALL, you are proof that not everyone is a weiner hole. yay!
but wait, you think that kendall is the only non-asshole acting all selfless and shit? you would be wrong. mr. matt who sent the 1st shirt got a painting, but HE GOT IT TO GIVE TO HIS SISTER. he gave away his shirt so he could get a present for his sister. how nice is that? so so nice. awww. there will also be a top-secret prize being sent to matt. i already have his mailing info, but if he does not mail me and tell me what his favorite color is, it will be up to me. mwah ha ha.
so, yes. CONTEST 2003 was a success. not only did i get TWO shirts, i also got a big ol' lump in my throat, for real for real.
thank you and goodnight.